Im sure your not invited to things with his family. Wouldnt give them the time of day. The manner in which my ex choose to end our marriage was very hurtful and harmful and his anger over having to pay me alimony has caused me much distress. Are you sure you werent emotionally abused? This was your relationship that ended and although family may like the person your with around, they need to respect that you have ended your life with them. I now have nothing to do with the rest of my family because of the betrayal. Wayyyy our of line. You deserve to have your family and he needs to rely on his. Rena Williams good people are NOT abusive! There is no one to mediate and none of his family talk about their problems the way I was brought up to do. I just want to say thank you for most of these posts. My dad took off then and got remarried, moved 2 states away and kind of dropped out of my life to a degree. This weekend I have been down to the area and my Dad wouldnt even meet up with me said he had to help my brother wallpaper! Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephews ball games. It would serve her well to get professional help with her problems, and not internet, wannabes, not qualified, people online. I divorced my ex and he went to my family and told them all kinds of lies and strories about how he was so hard done by . Invitr them. And family is so important, too important to toss away lightly. If you cannot expect your family to be loyal, supportive, and defend you in this difficult adjustment period then what is the point of even having a family? "If you are dating someone else, and that person is uncomfortable with the fact that youre having Thanksgiving with your ex and his or her family, then it can be a roadblock to a new relationship," Masini says. Sending you a hug xx. Anyway, if you feel that hes doing this to you, its a very clear sign that hes not completely over his ex. Even ny housekeeper is like a sister to me. It has been 7 years and i have since moved 8 hours away. So sorry to hear I am not alone. And he literally talked about me the whole time. Divorce means its over! Even my dad calls my ex husband to chat about flying and will even help him by doing odd jobs for him just because he is a Captain for an airline. Bless you. Good luck! Maybe you should try to be more considerate of your familys feelings. Now he is all wealthy and still lives in his bubble. My family, isnt making it clear either. like a narcissist . My ex is my daughters step dad. Unfortunately the marriage just did not work. But they all different!! (But a mothers rejection is very hard to take no matter how old you are. When I stood up to him he started to behave threateningly with shotguns. They express interest in being apart of our lives again. My ex gave my brother a job and him and my ex are always together. by Kelli Ann Apr 10, 2018. Dislike! Because shes still in love with him. I hope she gets help & realizes its not healthy what her family & ex are doing. If you've gotten close with your ex's siblings or parents, you might wonder what the rules are around staying friends with an ex's family. As best I tried I could no longer see them as good people, nor could I see the world as a good place. He moved them across the country and had all of the divorce, DV, shelter, police records sealed so no one can look at them. My ex has everything I need but even my mom has said its my fault and how great of a person she is. Why cant he live his own life?!? After three days my husband called me and told me that he was looking for things with me again, he surprised me when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. he started dating me when he still liked her/had a thing for her. I no longer speak to my former in laws. And perhaps he doesnt carry bitterness because he never truly loved your daughter. My ex always said I had issues with authority is all I wasnt abused by her. Thats really not very Christian at all is it? So you go to be with your man, to be supportive and to show a united front, yet the problem remains. The last time was on his birthday. It appears that everyone else in your family really loves your ex except for you. I totally agree with you! I hate to say this, because Im on your side, but you cant make family chose sides. In such cases there is no need to force others to divorce their associations if their relationships were good. My ex remarried and then his second wife died. My husbands brother told me that the ex-wife was his sister. What hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this. He told me I was mean and crazy. Has anything improved since this post? Being cordial with your ex when they run into him is fine, but to have holidays, bbqs, make friends with his girlfriend, super bowl parties etc, uhbig NO. Thank you for sharing, Since the death of my father my uncle have be maltreating me and making me depressed , i almost commented suicide due to the way i was been treated in the family. Really? Men most of the time dont do it on purpose. The time and support of the family he never had time/ interest in They dont care about you at all.. Once you are in a relationship with a new person, still having photos of your ex is a big red flag. But no its still happening, i believe your family should always put their own kin first and respect your feelings, i had to stay away from my own uncles funeral this week because I knew theyd be there and i just can not bear seeing them all hugging and being freinds. For me, this is beyond weird. I packed up and moved to another state once my kids went off to college. When I look back there was a lot of family problems/tensions and my brother and I certainly suffered emotional abuse. The way you speak about your daughter is disrespectful. They wont see it that way until you can communicate that. Sorry by siblings I meant sisters. And there is no psuedo high ground. This sounds like the ex has gone out of his way to include himself in the family. Its a form of abuse. I absolutely agree with Your view however I myself still struggle with this decision. Since 2008 Ive been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives. Adapted from a recent online discussion. This is on her. The only way I got through that horrible time was to hope that they would one day come to their senses and realize that blood is thicker than water So, it can be hard to deal with them being unwelcoming, rude, and intentionally distant. Do you think they blame him for the break up? I dont know what to do Im caught in the middle and stand by my wife 100%. I set boundaries and have a solid relatonship. She sucked quite a bit of money out of me over the years and completely destroyed my credit. It is not ok for your sister to put your x husband before you. He is no longer part of the family. Im going through this exact same thing now ! I have a similar story. I went to therapy to try to sort thru it, but the therapist said my feelings of betrayal by my brother are normal and healthy, considering all of the things my ex did to me (and of which my brother is aware). He visits my mom and takes her backyard and calls her if he has a crisis. Not surprisingly most of them are women. It is about your kids. I can only describe my sister as evil and anyone who doesnt see her for what she is, is naive. That is HER family. Thats why its called a DIVORCE you need to get them to understand that. I think her family should politely put the ex at some kind of arms length . Start having parties, barbecues and holidays at your house. My mother in law never mentioned it, never said a word to my husband about it. My ex turns up to all my family ocasions such as funerals, my sister even invited them to my dads 80th birthday party. Not sure how to get out of this! or is this still happening? Happened with my father. I hear strength, courage, resilience here too. And we have our holidays broken up so that certain days are for me and the kids and others are for him and the kids and they still invite him to our family gatherings so I have to put on a brave face and pretend its not horrible uncomfortable for me. I never thought id lose my family either. I hope you meet your new source of supply, and still remain stuck in that grass is greener mentality. I went and continue to go through the same struggle but on the positive side, eventually, my children understood that what my ex did was for his own interests and not theirs. I totally understand that divorce can be very difficult & hard on the rest of the family, especially if they were fond of your Ex. Another who has a very similar story. Lets stop and look at it from another point of view. All the years of my marriage I kept all the hurt inside, never told my family what was actually going on in my marriage, devoting my entire life to my kids happiness. She moved in with him; they got a dog together, and she helped him raise his son for the 6+ years that they lived together (the boy's mother is still in . Pathetic! To me there is an unspoken rule that if you divorce, your family should be automatically in your corner and supporting you. Thats wrong on your familys part. Calling it awkward is an understatement. He abused me, she saw marks he left, so to hell with her. Do you really think that many people walk out on a marriage lightly with no access to money, transport, their possessions or pets as i did? Its heart breaking. I know how comfortable you feel in that victim role, with your victim mentality, and the my feelings are facts and thats all that matters mentality because you are self-centered and lack empathy. The sister and her family I was closest to has chosen to continue to have him in their lives even though I finally told her some of the issues in my marriage, hoping that would change. And have to stress, I have never once expressed any ill feelings towards my mom/sisters involvement with the ex. And while I can certainly live without the likes of her, its my parents going along with it that hurts the most. If you try to make them be loyal like a normal sister or mom they will only become bigger liars than they already are. If not, there should be no renewed friendship.. If you have any concerns, bring them up with your partner! Tell them this hardly to be considered petty, your marriage was not petty. They say theyd like to get to know me better but dont do anything to try. Our daughter always has to tell me the details even when I dont ask about about any of them. Well, I thought it was heading in the right direction, but lately, hes been very depressed. However, there isnt peace about it, I miss my family and have no dealings with them whilst my ex husband is still around with another new girlfriend. As for suggesting you to go to anger management shes gaslighting you making you feel as though you are the one with the problem. Why would they take my father with them? Boundaries need to be set and respectedbottom line. You dont choose exes over your own kids period. I am so glad you are intelligent enough to know these things and caring enough to point the fact out to others. I get along with my brothers ex wife still, we message each other once every 3 or 4 months. You need to voice your feelings and they should not come second where your ex is concerned. he got a new girlfriend I was very happy for him. We regularly talk about our future together, but there is one thing getting in the way. Your partner's first wife had an affair that ended their marriage so, however happy she may be now, she must feel some guilt about the suffering that her children endured as a result of that. I dont know my niece. Never did she say he was abusive. When I have him he ALWAYS knows where he is and he knows I dont have anyone else around him. Sometimes I think its a way to stay close to your ex spouse. I love them all. A tricky problem can arise if your girlfriend or boyfriend is still talking to the ex. And if he still misses and loves his ex, what do I do? We also offer aProfessional Directoryfeaturing family lawyers, divorce financial analysts, accountants, therapists, and other divorce-related services. This is messed up. We were very close. He wanted to maintain his relationship with my family but I clearly told him and my family no. My Mom wants to remain neutral and wants to be supportive of my daughter. When a guy talks about his ex to you, it sometimes just means that he was clumsy and made a mistake. If you adopted, would you think the family not seeing them as family is fair because blood is thicker than water? They swore they didnt choose him. It sounds that the ex and your family have mutual respect and love for each other. They only know your Ex because of you She told me not to worry about her having a similar problem before and introduce me to a man named Dr. IYAYA, who cast a spell on her ex boyfriend and brought it back to her after 3 days. Its one thing to be able to have holidays together. He is entitled to a girlfriend. No wonder their are more single moms now then any other generation before you. I asked him and my family from the beginning to please give it a bit of distance but my parents chose him over me at that point. You can take marriage vows in good faith but when you find out your husband deceived you and lied to you i would think that would be classed as evil. (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). Of course when I tried to explain this and how this fit with their current actions it only served as further proof that it is me who is the wicked, deluded one! You having to be in uncomfortable situations with your ex husband/wife is going to happen and your going to have to deal with it in one way or another. It only makes for an uncomfortable situation and possible heat/arguments/embarrassment that couldve been avoided in the first place. They were complicit in covering up. No way girl! My boyfriend's ex is still close with his mother. Why? Those are the kids family members. His personality seems to be more like Aspergers. He shattered her life and the life of his two young children. No your not unreasonable! Not sure not hearing his side of this. Im guessing theres a reason you didnt tel us how the divorce came to be. By SuziePal Updated: July 30, 2021Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and Advice. As my kids have grown. I promise to share the good work of your temple once my husband return back to me, Thing dont just work out until you make the right choice in your life, I made the right choice when i contacted priest manuka for help in restoring my broken marriage. I feel exactly as you do. What a niave view of a relationship. Heres an idea, dont get involved with a divorced man. My mother told me to get out of her house shortly after I proposed to my wife now. I disagree with creatingabeautifullifes response. They lie to me about where my ex is when he has my son bc he thinks its fun to alienate me and not tell me where he is with our 2 yr old or who he has him around and his family will lie to me in a heartbeat even when im pleading with them to tell me bx the ex wont answer any of my calls or texts when Im trying to call to tell my baby goodnight. For example, whenever my Ex comes up during a conversation, when there are several people around, (cousins, my sister) they will ask, If things are better with my Ex. What ever happened to family loyalty. My Situationship Broke Up With Me Unexpectedly. You have the best case senario and perhaps you are still to hurt to see it. Its obvious most of you cant get over yourselves and your feelings so maybe you need to start using the term parallel parenting (Parallel parenting is an arrangement in which divorced parents are able to co-parent by means of disengaging from each other, and having limited direct contact, in situations where they have demonstrated that they are unable to communicate with each other in a respectful manner) because you sure in the hell are not co parenting nor doing your kids or family any favors by making this about you. Live your life. To answer your question, I dont think its unreasonable at all. Speak up. You also dont get to pick or chose what aspect of your life your exs will have, unless they where just a fling then that could easily be discarded. Thats a completely separate entity altogether. My sister came to visit me a year and a half after our separation with her family and then left out the part about how they were leaving to stay with him for several days immediately after. I ask my family why they keep my ex family on as friends on face book? I wasnt prepared to give up my family, and that really took me by surprise. Could it be he is a dosent person, and that the rest of your family is putting your childrens well being over yours? My Ex was not even a good father, never around and never knew his kids. It hurts me and Im so tired of wasting tears and time. Especially if that other party has been there through thick or thing. Is there some kind of clinical I can honestly say there were no lies or manipulations on my part. Sadly, my one and only sister has not been there for me. Sad part is many people just walk away leaving pure destruction. You are setting healthy boundaries. I am in a similar boat with the divorced husband being a larger part of my family than me. You see, I love my ex-wife and never wanted the divorce. My family took my exs side in a child custody dispute. Her ex is a deadbeat narcissist that hasnt paid a dime of support in years, yet her parents and one sibling and their spouse go out of their way to enable this guy to underperform on every level by continuing to help him out in various ways and spend time with him even paying for him and our kids to go on vacation with them when he has them. 6. Its been 30 years. One last thing my parents went to thier graves not knowing the truth about our brackup they had assumed it was because of me but the truth is it was the ex who cheated. I have also found out he has told the family that I got more in the settlement than I. She may be doing this to the child to get revenge on her Ex and us. And no I never complained about my ex until I realised what a nasty person I had been living with all those years. Trust no man It is you against the world. He is no longer his uncle .I am and will always be his aunt. 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